Sunday, September 27, 2009

Please Stand By

Longtime reader Lacey reminded me on my other blog that I've been absent for a while so I wanted to give you all an update.

Mom is doing well, and there have been many stories I could have written. I've been depressed and just haven't felt like it. I'm back to sleeping a lot — I thought it might be a cold but it's gone on too long without any other symptoms. I thought things would get better for me once Mom was taken care of but that hasn't been the case.

• Now I'm worried about getting a job having not been in a full-time corporate environment in 10 years. So much unfounded self doubt.

• I've planned a trip to Washington in a couple of weeks and I'm already worried about that since my last couple of vacations haven't been very successful. I was supposed to meet friends who aren't able to come so I'll essentially be there alone. I'm going to try and meet up with some blogger friends. Of course, that has me nervous, too.

• Being in this house alone is starting to take its toll. Too many idle hours to drive myself crazy.

At the behest of some dear friends, I'm starting to research counselors in the area and will try to get back into yoga.

Onward and upward. I hope!


karen said...

Hi, I am new to your blog but I like reading it . I know how you feel I think when it comes to job hunting. I stopped working almost 2 yrs. ago to care for my mom and I think every night if I will be able to go back to work. I used to love to drive . And I was working driving a trasit bus Now when I just go to the store I get overwhelmed by the traffic. Maybe because I only get out about once a week if I am lucky. But this used to be my job. What am I going to go when I go back to work.
Anyway go on that Vacation. I would love to go alone or not. You can do what ever you want if you are alone. No trying to please anyone but yourself . If you get to go with someone or meet someone there great but still go .Get out of that house.

Latane Barton said...

Are you going to a support group? That would be helpful. You'd have people who understand what you are going through.

And, have you told your doctor about all of this. I am on an anti-depressant and it helps so much.

Don't hole yourself up in the house. Join a hobby group, a church group, a group of some kind so that you will be with people.

I got so depressed but it did get better after Elbert was being cared for but it took awhile.

I wish the best for you. We who are going through this understand and are there for you.

citygirl said...

I know many people are going to give you advice to seek help and get out of the house and that is healthy advice.

However, I also know that sometimes you just need to have a low. You've been through many years of being a self-less caregiver and maybe you need a little time to be depressed, tired and alone...they are emotions that you need to let out. You just moved your mom into care not that long ago so I think what you're going through is quite normal. You're exhausted in every sense and need to just fall over!

It wouldn't be good to be depressed and sleeping forever but let yourself have this time if you need it. I know I needed it and took it. Last winter, I was miserable. I slept a ton and was so depressed (as you can read about!) but I'm doing better now.

ChickPea said...

Hi ! Good to find your blog again - I've not been visiting much over the last several weeks and months......
Have been in the 'Job seeking Seat' and having similar doubts about employment potential. My first 'stop gap' cleaning job proved to me that I CAN still work and that There Is Life After Caring. My new job tells me there really IS a better role waiting for you than you can ever imagine - you just need to trust in your own abilities, be kind to yourself while you recover and regain your strength and self-belief, and wait.
Not easy. Be gentle on yourself. Keep blogging - it helps all of us.
With love, x