Monday, December 10, 2007

I Made Momma Cry

I think it all started when I was with my first partner and we got an abyssinian cat. That one was a handful and a half, and I loved him every day for the 16 years I had him.

When the cat was naughty, we'd chastise him, telling him, "You deserve to be spanked!" He was never hit — he was way too pampered for that. We'd wag our finger at him, just to let him know that jumping up onto the counter or any other disciplinary infraction he'd just committed was not going to be tolerated. Until the next time he did it, of course.

Often, we'd follow up the conversation with, "Because you're so evil. You were born that way," as if he was asking "Why?" when he looked up at Daddy giving him such a stern warning. We said these things in a normal tone of voice so the cat wasn't being yelled at; he just thought we were talking to him about some nonsense as we usually did. Little did he know that we were saying such things.

Interesting that the cat later developed a liking for being "spanked"...I'd use my open hand and, with my outstretched fingers, pat him firmly on the back near the base of his tail. He'd stiffen his legs to brace himself and actually liked it. Some like their chins scratched; he like to be patted on the back.

So that's the background. I say odd, terrible things to pets because I think it's funny. The more outrageous, the better, as far as I'm concerned!

Our cats are spending all their time in the house now that it's cold out. They are putting on weight with less exercise and getting chubby bellies.

My brother was here on Saturday when I opined, while the cat was on my mother's lap, that, "We're gonna have that little butterball for dinner tomorrow. I'll put an apple in her mouth just like they do in China!"

My mom, who has heard me go through such routines before, asked, "Why would you say such a thing?" I thought she was playing along. I mean, I thought it was pretty clear that I had no intention of eating the cat for dinner regardless of what they do in China.

I replied with a standard quip, "Because she was born bad, and it's been downhill ever since."

Mom looked over at my brother for some reassurance, and he gave none, thinking it was all quite amusing and that I was pulling my standard nutty stuff. That's when the water works started.

Mom started to cry. Real tears. And that's when it dawned on us that she thought we were serious. We quickly set the record straight but the fun was lost on her.

We changed the subject, it was quickly forgotten, and the cat won a stay of execution and won't be on the dinner table after all.

1 comment:

proudprogressive said...

ah omg what a story, i too say terrible things to pets and am much like you are, its hilarious etc, and they have no idea, nor do i ever EVER harm them or yell, but i tell my one cat i am gonna make a pelt out of him and his beautiful furr..don't doubt it i tell him. Oh poor mom , thought you were roost the cat for dinner - LOL gosh i feel awful for laughing. Its not funny, but it sort of is , in a bittersweet way. At least there is some solice in knowing as you say - IT IS quickly forgotten. Keeping you and yours in my thought y|o|y