Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Klepto

Part 1 In A Series

All my life I've come up with nicknames for people — mostly for those who I don't know their real names. For instance, the woman that used to leave our apartment complex at 4 a.m. was The Donut Lady because I imagined that's where she'd have to be going to make the donuts before the morning rush.

There are a number of characters at my mother's assisted care facility. Today I will tell you about The Klepto.

In a place like this, the disappearance of items is a routine occurrence. It's just the nature of the beast. Most of the people don't know where their room is, let alone what is or isn't theirs. So when I say The Klepto, it isn't in a judgmental way because these folks don't know any better. They wander in and out of rooms and might pick up something that strikes them and take it with them.

Some, however, exhibit this trait worse than others. And so it is with The Klepto. When something is missing, the staff goes to her room first since it is a fair bet that the item has made its way back to her place.

After Mother Dear's first couple of weeks, the nurses told us Mom wasn't eating. Regular blog reader Greg, of Wits' End, said his Mom liked treats so I brought up a bunch of cookies, candies, etc. Part of the stash were those jelly orange slices coated in sugar.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother was visiting with Mom in her room. She was sitting in the chair, he on the end of the bed. In walked The Klepto. She proceeded past my brother, looked him in the eye, went to the end table, opened up the drawer, picked out two orange jellies, looked back at my brother, popped them in her mouth, turned around, and left.

Now, if I didn't know her as The Klepto, I probably would have nicknamed her Kentucky Derby since she parades around the place with huge hats cascading with silk flowers!

Also see:
Part 2: The Slapper
Part 3: The Baby Mama
Part 4: Socks
Part 5: The Jackrabbit
Part 6: Gidget
Part 7: Twinkle Toes
Part 8: Pittsburgh and Tex
Part 9: The Bird Flicker
Part 10: The Imp, The Lesbian Haircut, and The Bitch
Part 11: The Bugaboo


Greg said...

"Klepto" is, of course, her surname. Her first names are "Goddamn Brazen".

She has a relative at my Mum's place, I think.

David Schantz said...

When we were caring for Sues Grandmother at home it was Grandma that would take off with other folks stuff and stash it. It might be your glasses, cigars/cigarettes (She never smoked). Once a package of steaks that were thawing on the counter went missing. It was too late when we found them.

God Bless America, God Save The Republic

citygirl said...

I have nicknames for all sorts of people in my life! Even when I go on a week's vacation at a resort, I christen people with their nicknames within a day or so.

My mom's home had quite a few kleptos. It's like everyone's rooms were shops for the kleptos to go in & collect stuff from.