Monday, January 12, 2009

Porn Surprise



Mother dear has taken to "organizing" any paperwork that isn't nailed down. She does it during the night while she's up and I'm asleep. (That's a separate post I owe y'all.)

If you'll pardon the pun, now to the meat of this post. I received an unsolicited(!) mailing to subscribe to some porn mag. I don't get any X-rated material here...I suspect they rented their mailing list from The Advocate magazine. For those of you unfamiliar, The Advocate is basically a gay version of Newsweek. Politics, news, entertainment, lifestyle. Not porn.

I opened the envelope and looked through the contents. I'm not above looking at free naked pics even if I don't plan on buying them. I have a shredder where I dispose of sensitive materials (pre-approved credit card offers, etc.) and placed the "Sexual Materials Enclosed" envelope and its contents on top for shredding at a later time. On the other side of the wall from the shredder is exactly where my mom's head is when she's asleep in bed. Out of courtesy, I don't shred things while she's sleeping so I don't disturb her.

Have you figured out where this is going yet? Yup, I placed it on the shredder and didn't nail it down. I found the very explicit photos of naked men among all of the paperwork that had been found in the den. By my mother. Who looked at everything closely and placed it in a nice neat stack.

Seeing a man on his back with his ankles behind his ears must have been a shock. I kinda wish I'd been a fly on the wall for that. She never mentioned it. It would be my luck that it's the one thing she remembers and blabs it to my brother and/or the aide!

4 comments:

Alzheimers Team said...

That is hilarious!! I bet she won't remember it tomorrow anyway, so your probably safe. Too funny! :)

Krista

Greg said...

I laughed at your guess that this will re-surface at an inappropriate moment - it's just the things we REALLY don't want them to remember that stick, isn't it? Oh well, presumably your Mom was sexual at some time, or you and your Brother wouldn't be around.

Incidentally, really no need to shred these images - can I give you my mailing address?.....

Y | O | Y said...

While we are on the subject...mom just picked up The Advocate and read one of the headlines on the cover:

Mom: [Reading.] The death of the condom. [Turns to me, giggling.] They come up with the damndest things!

citygirl said...

So funny! I wonder if she organized it in any particular order.

My mom used to go through the little garbage bins in the house looking for "clues". "Clues" to what, I have no idea. But she'd go through the bins from my bedroom, the bathroom, the office...she'd have all her winning pieces laid out on the dining room table. Among her treasures: a receipt for miscellaneous stuff from the drug store, a discarded tube of mascara, a price tag off a tshirt. Yep, I'm sure she was cracking some big case. Of course, she'd respond in a Columbo-detective-like manner when you'd ask her what she was doing.