Sunday, May 06, 2007

The Great Toilet Paper Caper

This post is going to involve bodily functions. I'll keep it pretty light, but for those of you that easily form mental images that you can't escape from, this may be a post you want to skip.

With that disclaimer in place...

About a week ago, Mom started to complain that she was bleeding when she went to the bathroom. We've been through this before about a year ago and it is the result of constipation and her straining to go. How do I know this is happening? Because I get presented with the after-the-fact evidence. That is, bloody pieces of toilet paper.

I know this is a good thing, her having a problem and being aware enough to alert someone. It's just that I'm the one that is alerted. Every time she goes. We already had the doctor's appointment set so when she said she needed someone to look at it, I told her we were seeing the doctor in a few days and we'd handle it then. The amount of blood was minimal, more like spotting, than massive amounts so there was no pressing demand to go to the ER.

But she forgets every time I tell her we are already seeing the doctor so she saves the bloody paper as an important piece of evidence in her mystery illness.

I immediately shifted her diet in the morning to a bowl of oatmeal. I've tried Metamucil in the past which only caused diarrhea and her running to the bathroom with immediacy thinking she was going to poop her pants.

On Wednesday, the day we went to see the doctor, the bleeding had stopped. He agreed that my suggested diagnosis and course of action were correct. If it had been really serious, the bleeding wouldn't have stopped. Should it continue, next step would be a stool softening pill. After that, a colonoscopy.

Well the bleeding is back, but we've really only been on oatmeal for a few days.


Mom: [Holding toilet paper with spot of blood.] Someone needs to look at this.

Me: Yes, we already saw the doctor on Wednesday. That's why we've started having oatmeal for breakfast to solve the problem.

Mom: Oh.

Me: Now go into the bathroom and flush that.

Mom: I need to save it.

Me: No, the doctor already knows what's going on. You need to flush it because having something with blood and poop on it isn't sanitary to have around the house.

Mom: I'm going to set it in here. [Goes to her dresser and places it on top of her jewelry box.]

Me: Okay, suit yourself.

After she decided to go outside, I went in, got it, and flushed it. She hasn't missed it.


proudprogressive said...

Oh boy, you do have your hands full. Cute title the tiolet paper caper. One does need to maintain a sense of humor. A highly developed sense of espionage helps too.

Max Ambrose said...

It sounds like you have very few dull days.